Are You Loveable? 4 Tips to Help You Feel Loveable – Part 3

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forgiveSee my previous blog

Here are some Relationship Indicators to let you know if you don’t feel loveable or deep down really don’t believe you deserve to be loved.

  1.  When you feel the relationship is getting hard and communication is difficult for you, do you sabotage the relationship (have bad behavior like saying or doing something cruel) so the other person will end it?

Tip #3

There can be so much to say about Question 3. I have talked with several clients who have been on the receiving end of this behavior and those who have done it.

Someone who is unable to communicate how they feel is afraid, deeply afraid of being hurt. They are unable to take responsibility for their behavior and feelings, so they act out and force the other person to take the action. This person is in need of deep compassion. Not that I am suggesting that you stay with him/her, I would not recommend that at all. The healthiest thing is to end the relationship and move on.

If you are the person who is struggling, the better approach with integrity, is to end/exit the relationship without the hurtful words or behavior. Understand that you have deep seeded issues that are toxic. Bouncing from relationship to relationship is extremely unhealthy and you likely have the belief that you don’t deserve to be loved and you’re afraid of doing any type of self-reflection to heal so that you are able to raise your self-esteem, self-respect and self-confidence.

Without at least an average (and ideally above average) feeling of these three characteristics I listed above, connecting with another in a meaningful way and expressing healthy love will not be possible.

How can you start turning this around and allow yourself to be and feel loveable?

It is probable that you have had some hurtful experiences in the past that have not been healed. You may be blaming yourself, the other person or people, and you may feel shame. These are two very powerful feelings that reinforce low self-esteem and self-worth. Being able to forgive yourself and others is one of the most beneficial ways to free yourself from pain and suffering. When you are in that state of pain and suffering you can feel disconnected from your true self, which creates lack of clarity.

In the Hawaiian culture they have a technique called “Ho’oponopono” which they use to forgive and seek healing and freedom. Think of the person you were hurt by and repeat:

I’m Sorry, Please Forgive Me, Thank You, I Love You.

And you may be thinking, “Regina, I was hurt by that other person, why would I say I’m sorry.” Because this is a higher spiritual principle and there is probably something you want to be forgiven for also.

Repeat this phrase/mantra over and over again until you feel lighter.

“I’m Sorry, Please Forgive Me, Thank You, I Love You.”

If you have time to do it 10-15 minutes a day would be good. This may take several days, or weeks, it really depends on you and your focus. It does take focus and a willingness to be free of the pain and suffering. It works.

I will use this when I hear of something negative on the news to help shift the energy of that particular situation.

It’s time to free yourself and let yourself feel loved!

  

Regina Sisco is a certified Life & Relationship Coach. She is an expert with helping people transform their relationship suffering into self-acceptance and relationship bliss. Sign-up for my Free Gift! The Magic Touch – 5 Secrets To Successful Dating Tips on this page.

 

Are You Loveable? 4 Tips to Help You Feel Loveable – Part 2

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heart candlesSee my previous blog

Here are some Relationship Indicators to let you know if you don’t feel loveable or deep down really don’t believe you deserve to be loved.

  1. Do you need to be in charge? Do you make all the arrangements? Do you ask for input from your partner? Or better still, do you dismiss the input from your partner?

Tip #2

It’s all about love isn’t it? What does loving behavior look like to you? How is love communicated? How does it feel?

The questions above describe someone with a ‘controlling’ personality or at least a strong ‘controlling’ characteristic. Someone who has to know it all, have all the answers, tells others what to do without asking or getting input. You have met that type of person before, right? You may have even been married to one? If you are perfectly honest, you have had some of those behaviors yourself too. Some of the time it is normal:  most of us have a little of that.

However, when it is overpowering, it is out of balance and a less than ideal way of treating another person. It’s disrespectful and inconsiderate. Why do some people behave that way? The short answer is they don’t love themselves very much. They are insecure and full of self-doubt. The controlling behavior is a mask to feel ‘strong’ because inside he/she does not feel that way at all.

Here are few tips to help change this behavior if you have these. Start by being kind to yourself. What is it that you don’t like about yourself? You might ask ‘How do I know what that is?’ Here’s an example. You might know someone that drives you crazy. What is it about that person that drives you crazy? That trait is something you have within yourself that you don’t like about you. Here’s the good news — you can change it!

Maybe your friend doesn’t listen and talks over people. This drives you crazy. Pay attention- do you do that to people? The answer is probably yes, or you do something similar. If you don’t like being treated that way, then don’t treat someone else that way. Make a new choice — this will require some positive self-talk “I am going to be patient when listening to others.” “I am going to slow down and be present, I am interested in what this person is sharing with me.” “I intend to listen with an open mind and not be judgmental or critical.” This is how you create change for the better and how you can change the things that you don’t like about yourself. Make new choices about how you want to feel in your life. Treat yourself better as well as the people around you.

Ask questions in a relationship, have dialogue, and ask for input. Asking questions and communicating is not a weakness:  its called consideration. When you treat yourself in a loving way, you will treat others in a loving way and will be treated that way in return. Love isn’t about control, it’s about sharing. And isn’t that what you seek, sharing and intimacy on all levels?

 

Regina Sisco is a certified Life & Relationship Coach. She is an expert with helping people transform their relationship suffering into self-acceptance and relationship bliss. Sign-up for my Free Gift! The Magic Touch – 5 Secrets To Successful Dating Tips.

 

Are You Loveable? 4 Tips to Help You Feel Loveable

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Here are some Relationship Indicators to let you know if you don’t feel loveable or deep down really don’t believe you deserve to be loved.

1. Do you give your poweholding handsr away in relationships? Do you let the other person make most of the decisions? Do you trust your own decisions?
2. Do you need to be in charge? Do you make all the arrangements? Do you ask for input from your partner? Or better still, do you dismiss the input from your partner?
3. When you feel the relationship is getting hard and communication is difficult for you, do you sabatoge the relationship (have bad behavior like saying or doing something cruel) so the other person will end it?
4. Do you feel insecure or needy when it comes to relationship? Do you hear yourself saying “I need someone to love me.” Or “Why am I still alone.”

During this month of Love in February I will be giving weekly tips to answer these four Relationship Indicators. Share your stories with me and I will provide advice directly to you on my blog.

Regina Sisco is a certified Life & Relationship Coach. She is an expert with helping people transform their relationship suffering into self-acceptance and relationship bliss. Regina can be reached at [email protected].

 

Are You Ready To Date?

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After a major break-up or divorce it takes time to heal and regain your equilibrium.  Many of my clients tell me that they want to be in a relationship again or be married again soon after the relationship has ended.  That’s a pleasant idea for down the road… but not too soon.

It’s important to give yourself time to heal and give yourself some perspective on what really happened.  He left you, you left him, and life goes on right? Yes it certainly does but what about the quality of your life?  What about the quality of your future relationship(s)?  That should matter to you.  We all know women and men who seem to hop from one relationship to the next without giving themselves time to assess—to really look at what worked and what didn’t work in the relationship.

We all have behavior patterns that are healthy and some that are not healthy at all, especially when it comes to relationships. Here are a few questions to reflect on:

–         Do you date the same type of person over and over?

–         How do you expect to be treated?

–         What do you want out of the relationship?

If you are ready for a committed relationship these things are important to consider.  What do you really want out of a relationship? Fun? Sex? Companionship?  Do you want commitment, intimacy, mutual support, respect and deep love?  If you do you have now just crossed over the line into work and commitment in the relationship to have that true divine union, trust, love, intimacy, and joy. It takes work, you have to know yourself and what you truly want in a relationship. It takes a mutual exchange and a mutual level of commitment – that give and take to support each other in your own individual growth and then as a couple.

The “knowing who you are and what you want” is critical. Women can sometimes loose themselves in the relationship and in their partner and no longer know who they are.  Before dating, be prepared– really to do your homework. There is nothing more important than your personal happiness!

 

Regina Sisco is a Relationship Wellness Expert and national internet Radio Show Host of Shining Bright on VoiceAmerica.com. For more information go to www.lifestreamholisticcoaching.com

Self-Respect

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I have a client who wasn’t allowing herself to be treated respectfully in a relationship.  She thought she wasn’t good enough to have a man treat her well.  Since she didn’t value or respect herself, she sought men who treated her the same.  She became aware of her choices that she allowed men in, who in her words were “barely adequate.”  She realized that she viewed herself the same way and knew she had some inner work to do.

Why did she value herself so poorly?  She realized that the childhood abuse created many beliefs and programs that she wasn’t good enough or didn’t deserve much, and that’s how she began living her life. She didn’t deserve much, her own personal worth and value was low.  How did she begin to create the shift for herself?  She started letting go of the past by forgiving those in childhood and perhaps the tougher road of forgiving herself.

Then, I shared some techniques with her to help her release this old program of not valuing herself and to restore her self-esteem and self-respect.  She is fully aware now that her choices matter and that she matters.  When she settled based on past experiences she didn’t receive much.  Now as she is becoming more aware that she is not willing to settle with herself or in a relationship. She understands that she has more work to do.

She has a higher level of self-worth and wants to attract a better quality of life and men.  She respects herself more and sees that she is the driver and creator of her life. She is regaining her power and can now see the path before her.  She is reconnecting to her true self and beginning to allow self love in.

And take a deep breath- breathe that in-

Affirmations:  affirmations are positive statements to read and say outlook to help you maintain a positive outlook.

I know what it feels like to respect myself.  I am opening the door to self-love.

 

Regina Sisco is a Relationship Wellness Expert and national internet Radio Show Host of Shining Bright on VoiceAmerica.com. For more information go to www.lifestreamholisticcoaching.com

Self-doubt Is Being Our Own Worst Enemy

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Do you believe that you can have a divine relationship?  What would a divine relationship look like?  Would a divine relationship include compatibility, trust, intimacy, sex, emotional wellness, and abundance?  Yes, to all of that and more.  However, many women doubt themselves when it comes to relationships. Women have told me that they don’t feel good enough; there must be something wrong with them because they keep attracting the wrong guy or partner.  Then the self-recrimination starts, “I’m not tall enough.” Or “I need to loose weight.”  And we know how the list can go on and on.

Self-doubt is being our own worst enemy. It’s human nature to be negative, it’s often our first response to most things. Crazy right? This is because of years of training and programming that comes from school, family and friends, and because this is how mass consciousness works. It’s each individual’s job to start breaking this self-doubt pattern and start by making some new choices.

Instead of criticizing yourself when something goes wrong, make a new choice. Learn from the experience and choose to do something different the next time creating a positive outcome. This creates self-confidence versus self-doubt. When things turn out well, praise yourself for a great outcome.  Especially when it comes to relationships—we all have been hurt in the past and we don’t want to get hurt again. We protect ourselves. Protection goes two ways we stay protected but we also keep true love out, and never fully give ourselves the chance to experience a divine relationship.